Never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait to go back to work tomorrow. This weekend has been hell. I’ve been so bored and angry about being bored. There’s nothing to do (me having absolutely no money doesn’t help, I’m sure). I slept for most of the day on Saturday.
I just can’t work up the motivation or drive to do anything. Everything I do bores me within 15 minutes of doing it, then I angrily stop, put it down, and get a headache from being so annoyed and confused, as I don’t know what to do.
I think one of the problems is that I just don’t have anyone new to talk to anymore. That’s not a knock to my current friends, but some fresh blood would be great. However, I’m a massively unlikable jackass, so there’s that.
Okay, rant over. To bring it full-circle: Sweet, tomorrow’s Monday!
Watching the World Cup matches is a lot of fun, but it’s bittersweet for me. I played soccer/futbol for a few years when I was in gradeschool. I wasn’t really good, but I was decent and had a lot of fun.
But, unfortunately, I had to stop due to my heart issues. The soccer games were actually where my palpitations and chest seizing first started to happen, so my dad and my brother (who were the coaches of my school’s team) told me I had to stop playing the next year.
Shoot, that’s when I slowly started gaining weight, too. I was skinny as a rail back then. Now I’m a chunko.
Well, that was depressing. Put myself in a bad mood.
Same, except I’ll usually have an extra step where there’s a nuclear explosion in my head and I will mentally declare my desire to assault the other people in question.
I don’t know what that was all about last night; this wave of sadness just overtook me out of nowhere. I feel a lot better tonight, fortunately. That could always change next minute, though. Usually how it works with this brain of mine.
For a site that doesn’t shut up about glorifying socially awkward people with anxiety, most of you really truly don’t understand what’s it like to have an extreme case of anxiety (which usually is agoraphobia), to not know your place among people, to not know whether or not your friends are…
Thank you, ma’am. I also highly doubt most of these snoots really and truly know what it’s like. Probably the same people who whine about how hard their lives are because their parents didn’t buy them the newest iPhone or whatever.
I know that I do suffer from the problems you listed. I have actually felt and done every single thing you mentioned. Hell, I even spent some time in a mental institution when I was 18. It’s not fucking fun, and the fact that people try to put themselves into that same group with actual sufferers just for attention makes me so goddamn angry.
Anyway, thanks again, and I hope your new job(s?) is going well.
I remember, months before my 14th birthday, my parents made plans to take me to Key West to celebrate. We were going to visit all the landmarks. We were going to go snorkeling. We were going to take boat tours. It was going to be a blast. God, I remember how excited I was for it, especially after the trying year we’d had, since our house had been destroyed by the hurricanes that came through that past Fall, and was being rebuilt (we were renting another house from a family friend).
But, a couple of weeks before my birthday, my mom sat me down and explained that my dad was leaving. I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant the first time she told me, but I figured it out pretty quickly. They “officially” separated (my dad physically moving out into his own apartment) the week before my birthday.
Never got to go to Key West. Still haven’t. Probably never will. I get really, really angry every time I hear someone talking about a vacation they took down there. At least that’s one circumstance I can explain why I get angry over.